I just had a troubling discovery: two small spots of poison ivy on my left arm. Although this is a dreadful discovery, I can’t say that I’m extremely surprised. This past Sunday, when the weather was beautiful, I went out to do some yard work. I weeded, trimmed the gigantic bushes that overgrow our fence from our neighbor’s lawn, and carefully sprayed down the few new leaves of poison ivy which had re-grown through the fence. You see, the poison ivy is not our fault, but it is our problem. More on who’s fault it is later. Suffice it to say, I am extremely sensitive to this beastly plant. I was quite careful never to touch the live leaves or the dead vines on the fence. I didn’t cut them, pull on them or even look at them too hard, yet here I am, wanting to scratch the hell out of my inner-elbow and forearm because of these 2 tiny patches. Oh yea, and I got chigger bites (in unmentionable locations) for the 3rd time this summer. That’s the third set of chigger bites corresponding to the third time I’ve weeded our lawn. Coincidence? Hmm…
So back to who is at fault for the dastardly poison ivy. That would be our neighbor on the north side of our house. They have, literally, the worst lawn on our block, if not the entire neighborhood. Lucky us. They mow their lawn only after it has fully gone to seed. Well, I should say that they mow their front lawn. The back lawn has been completely given up for wild. Vines, shrubs, weeds, small woodland creatures (probably)…you name it, they’ve got it. They have vines growing up the side of their house that have snaked their way under the siding and cross-beams. Now there’s a good way to maintain the integrity of your home. All of the poison ivy that we have found grows through the slats of the fence that separates our back yard from theirs. We are constantly having to trim back bushes and vines growing over the shared fence, which I get mad enough about, but the poison ivy is unacceptable. I need reader input on this one…how should I deal with this problem? Here are a few ideas I’ve come up with:
- Carefully collect (or have Greg collect) the poison ivy leaves. Grind them up, combine the grindings with water and spray this concoction on all of their doorknobs and car door handles during the middle of the night. Payback’s supposed to be a bitch, right?
- Secretly sneak behind their house at night and plant something illegal (hmmm, what could I be referring to?). Give it a few weeks to grow and prosper, then call the cops on them. Then they’d either be arrested and have to give up the house, or they’d, at the very least, have to completely clear out their back yard.
- Politely ring their doorbell and kindly ask them if they would perhaps trim back the offending plant…snooze. I almost fell asleep just writing that – way to boring!
There’s a choice which is clearly mature and adult, but there’s a couple other choices which would be WAY more fun. Any other ideas? OK, off to buy a mortar and pestle…you know, just in case we settle on that plan!
